Only a Memory
by The-Perks-of-Being-a-Lesbian
Summary: ((Sequel to He's Hurting Me)) After four months of healing both physically and mentally, Matthew Wiliiams is ready to move on from the memory of Ivan. All he wants is a summer of fun in the sun with his friends... And maybe a little summer romance with a certain Albino cutie. Prucan w/ side pairs. Rated T for language and reference to violence.
1. Chapter 1- Alpha Gay

_I KNOW. I KNOW. THIS IS MEGA EARLY. I got bored and didn't feel like working on Avenger's House Rules. So... SEQUEL IS TO HE'S HURTING ME IS EARLY~! I doubt anyone is complaining, though._

_Inner Kiwi: I'M complaining._

_Me: When are you not complaining? OH! And see if you can spot all the references I make!_

_Warning- This is, in fact, a sequel. That means that there is another full-length fanfiction before this. Full warning, it DOES contain domestic abuse, so if that's a trigger for you or if it just isn't your cup of tea, I understand completely. Just hit the back button and go about your day!_

_DISCLAIMER: I've been taking tips from Plankton, but alas, the secret Hetalia formula isn't mine yet._

_(PS- I changed the twin's birthday to July 2, 11:59:30, because it's as close as I can get to right in-between Canada day and Independence day.)_

_Beta'd by BlacktwinWhitetwin._

Matthew stood at the bus station, playing fretfully with his duffel bag strap. The pleasant Early-July sunshine warming his skin, glinting off his citrine hair, which was tied up off his neck with an elastic. His stomach was burning with excitement; he couldn't wait to see his friends again.

After he'd been released from the hospital, his parents had been understandably overprotective. Ivan had been sentenced to six months jail time (which meant he'd be out in August), and the entire school knew about it, and why. They wanted Matthew out of the city until things calmed down and everyone forgot. So, they'd made him and Alfred move back home, two hours away from Fredericton, for the rest of the school year. Originally, his mother wanted to keep him home permanently, but he'd managed to convince her that it would be old news by September. Alfred would be moving in with his two friends Clint and his girlfriend, Natasha and Kiku. Matthew was going to stay with the Beilschmidt brothers (plus Feli, who apparently spent breaks at their house) for the summer and, if it worked out, he'd move in. So, here he was, fresh off the 12 O'clock bus from Moncton two days after his 17th birthday, waiting for that distinctive yellow Chevy.

Matthew was surprised to say that he'd enjoyed his time in Moncton. It had been boring and lonely, with only his twin (who had stuck to him like a burr) for company, but at the same time, he felt closer to his brother than ever before. In the beginning, Alfred had been a bit angry, both at himself for being ignorant to the situation, and at Matthew for keeping him in the dark, but after a few tear-filled conversations, they had moved past that. The two brothers had finally reconnected now that Matthew hasn't being weighed down with his terrible secret. He'd even gotten to see his older brother Michael who had had a few weeks off from his job as an RCMP officer. Everyone told him that he looked eerily similar to his older brother, looking more like Mike's twin than Alfred's, despite the ten-year age gap.  
There were other aspects of his temporary exile that he had enjoyed as well. Like how for the first time in forever, he had been free from Ivan's reign of terror. It was like being held under water for years and then finally being able to breathe again.

It had been weird at first, feeling so free. For the first little while, he'd been constantly on edge, expecting to see a pipe-wielding Ivan come back to finish the job. He was better now, though. He wasn't broken, just bent, and with the help of his family and the counselor he had been seeing twice a week for the past four months, he was slowly but surely straightening himself out again.

Sure, He still flinched when people yelled, and violence made him nervous, but he'd opened up more. He had come a long way from a skittish, anxious shadow person back to his old shy and sweet yet witty self. Ivan was only a bad memory, one that he wouldn't let plague him. He wasn't worth it, and frankly, he wasn't important enough. He was an abusive bully, and Matthew wouldn't give someone like him the satisfaction of breaking him. He was done with him. Besides, it's not like he'd see him in September; Ivan had been expelled from their high school.

However much he had enjoyed the break, Matthew desperately missed his friends. Sure, he'd Skyped with the whole gang at least once a week, and Lili had even come to visit him a few times, but it wasn't the same. Even though he hadn't known them for long, Matthew had formed a pretty close bond with everyone (even the surly ones like Lovino, Natalya, Arthur and Lukas) and it sucked to be alone. Alfred had tried to fill their place, but it didn't really help that he missed his friends and sort-of-boyfriend Kiku, too.

Speaking of sort-of-boyfriends, Matthew had finally come to terms with the fact that he was hopelessly in love with his albino bestie. Not that he'd been denying it before, just... Ignoring it. Obviously, at the time, it hadn't been the right time, what with Ivan and moving away for four months. So, he'd decided that he would test the waters during the summer, and if Gilbert by some miracle returned his feeling well, then, what was to hold him back?  
Some would say that it was still too soon, but damn it, Matthew would not let that Russian bastard hold him back anymore. He didn't want him to continue dictating his life from behind bars. He said he was done with him and he meant it. He. Was. DONE.

Besides, this was Gil. With anyone else, he probably would have let it wither off and die, but Gil was different. The Prussian was his first and best friend, with Lili and Lovino as close seconds. He was the first person to ever look at Matthew and see Matthew, not Alfred's twin brother or the scary kid Ivan's boyfriend, and that meant everything to him. Plus, he trusted him. Gilbert had been there for him from the moment they met. Any other person who would have bumped into him on that rainy day months ago would have flipped him off and continued on, leaving him alone in the rain. Gil would never know how much he had helped him. To be honest, if it weren't for him, he probably wouldn't be here.

Matthew didn't like to admit, even to himself, how close he had come to taking his own life. When he had finally told his family, his father had broken down into tears. He'd explained that he didn't feel that way anymore, and he was ashamed of how low he had been. Unlike what he had feared, no one called him weak or was disappointed in him. Instead, they were all very understanding and comforting. They let him know that they were proud of him for making it through, and that he should never be ashamed of himself, not for anything. No one treated him like he was breakable, though, for which he was grateful.

The sound of a purring motor in front of him broke him from his thoughts. "Get in, Loser, we're going shopping."

Matthew's eyes shot up.

Before him was Gilbert behind the wheel of a silver 2002 Lexus SC 430 Z4. His face was covered in an enormous grin and a big pair of aviators. His hair was cut shorter than before and styled into messy spikes. However, Matthew's attention was drawn back to the car.  
"Is that...?"

"The exact car that Regina George drives in Mean Girls?" Gil cut in, his grin stretching even wider. "Why yes, yes it is."

Matthew rolled his eyes. How is it that the entire school is convinced that this guy is cool? "Oh my God, Gil, you're like, Alpha-Level gay. It's not even funny."

"Ahhh, and yet you recognized the car, so that AT LEAST makes you my second in command in the Gay wolf pack. You're like the Scott to my Derek," Gil pointed out, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Pssht, what is this, Gay Teen Wolf?" Matthew shot back, throwing his bag in the back seat and opening the passenger side door, sliding into the seat.

"Isn't Gay Teen Wolf the same as Regular Teen Wolf?" Gil put the convertible into drive, pulling away from the curb.

"Touché."

And just like that, Matthew felt like he was home.

_SOOOOOOOO, What do you guys think? To be honest I actually really like it! I feel like a did a half-way decent job on this chapter._

_Inner Kiwi: Pfft, are you drunk?_

_Me: shut UP before I put you in the suitcase again! Also, In case there is any confusion, Mike is 2P!Canada. Yeah... That wasn't planned...At all. I re-named him because naming your youngest child an English variant of your oldest child's name is cruel and unusual punishment._

_Love it? Hate it? Wish I had stopped 18 chapters of this series ago? Please review and tell me what you think!_


	2. Chapter 2- Surprise, Surprise

_HELLO MY LOVELY BUTTERCUPS! I know it's been a hot sec since I last posted, but... Actually, never mind, I don't even really have an excuse. I just got distracted by girls and fanfiction... And school, I guess. _

_ Inner Kiwi: Glad to see that you have your priorities straight. _

_ Me: That's _all _I have that's straight._

_ Inner Kiwi: You're awful. _

_ I know! Also, sorry if Mattie seems a little OOC, but I have a headcanon that Matthew is secretly a sassy little bastard with the people he's comfortable with. Plus, with Ivan gone, I feel he'd be a bit less timid. Anyvay, on with the show!_

As Gilbert pulled out of the bus station parking lot, Matthew finally asked the question tha had been plaguing his mind since he saw the other boy pull up. "So, what's up with the new car?"

Gilbert glanced over at him, a semi-frightening grin stretching across his face. "My mom and step-dad bought me this car for a grading present," He answered, causing Matthew's eyes to nearly bug out. The most he had ever gotten for grading was an MP3 player when he was 8. "Gotta love parents who trying to buy your affection, huh?"

"Maple, they must be pretty well-off to afford buying you guys a house _and _a car. Is your step-dad a mafia don or something?" Matthew asked, only semi-joking.

"Nah, but if you believe the rumors, Feli and Lovi's dad is. My step-dad is just some big shot anesthesiologist who happens to not want me and Luddy around so he can ravish my mutti on every available surface," Gilbert's face screwed up in disgust as he said the last sentence, and Matthew felt equally grossed out.

"Okay then. So what happened to your old car?" The Canadian asked.

"Ludwig has it. He's driving it all Summer," Gil responded, stopping at a red light. Matthew's eyebrows shot up.

"Wow, I didn't think Ludwig would enjoy driving something so... flashy."

Gilbert's grin reappeared with a vengeance. "He wouldn't, under normal circumstances, but I made a deal with him; He drives the Awesome Mobile everywhere for the Summer, and I give him this car."

Matthew still felt a little confused. "Why would he want this car? I don't really see him as an avid Mean Girls fan."

"He isn't," Gil agreed as they pulled onto his street. "But Feli is. He absolutely adores the movie, and Luddy absolutely adores making the little Italienisch happy."

"Awww, that's so sweet," Matthew cooed, smiling softly.

"Yeah, it is. I would have just given him the car, but unfortunately, my big brother instincts wouldn't let me pass up the chance to mess with my little bro," Gilbert said as he backed into his driveway. Matthew rolled his eyes.

"You're such a hoser," He teased, punching the albino's arm lightly. Gilbert mock-winced, putting the car into park and unbuckling his seatbelt.

"You wound me, Birdie, you really do."

The pair got out of the car, grabbing Matthew's bags from the back seat of Gil's car. Matthew bumped his hips into Gil's as they made their way to the front door. Gil shot him a faux-offended glare. The Prussian dug into his pocket, retrieving his keys and shoving the correct one into the lock. Matthew followed him in, slipping off his shoes as they his friend led the way into the dark living room. Matthew's eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"Why are we-"

"SURPRISE!" The lights were flicked on, revealing the whole gang, all with giant grins on their faces. After processing that, he took in the room. The coffee table was laden down with a plethora of food, from a mixing bowl full of french fries to a giant pound cake covered in chocolate icing with the words '_Welcome Back, Mattie_' written in looping cursive in top top. Balloons were suspended from the ceiling and stuck to the walls and gathered at his friends' feet. His face grew into a big grin.

"Guys, this is so sweet of you, thanks," Matthew said softly. Feli bounded forward and threw his arms around Matthew's neck, pulling him into a bone crushing hug.

"We missed you so much, Matteo! It's stupendo to see you again!" The little Italian cried. Matthew's cheeks heated up and he shyly returned the hug.

"I missed you too, Feli. Moncton wasn't nearly as interesting as here,"It was the truth. No matter how much he called, Skyped, messaged and, in the case of Lovino, Feli and Lili, visited his friends, it wasn't the same as being back for good.

Feli released him, and Lili stepped up to his side, looping her arm through his and giving him a hesitant smile. Matthew smiled back warmly. He could tell that she still blamed herself a little for what had happened with Ivan, despite the fact that everyone had forgiven her for with-holding the truth. No matter how many times Matthew reassured her over the phone and in person that he didn't blame her, he suspected that she'd be blaming herself for some time to come.

"So, what's been up since I've been gone?" Matthew asked. Although he'd kept in contact with his friends, he wanted a more in depth picture of what had been going on. Lovino shook his head, plopping down on a couch and glaring at the Canadian.

"Like Hell, Maple Bastard. We aren't saying shit until you give us a play-by-play of what you've been up to," Matthew rolled his eyes, but didn't take the harshness to heart. Surprisingly, he and the Italian had really connected after their cuddling session all those months ago. Matthew found his coarse language and sour disposition charming and funny. Other than Gilbert, he and Lili were probably his closest friends.

Matthew let Lili lead him over to the couch, sandwiched in between her and Lovino, with Arthur and Feli leaning against the arm rests on the floor. eveyone else piled into chairs and seats to listen. As Matthew told his stories, everyone munched away on cake and snacks. Eventually, they had moved on to what everyone else had doing, from Feliks and Toris' hilarious shopping trip to Vash winning gold at the National Range Competion. Their afternoon passed peacefully and contentedly, and Matthew knew that here, in the warm glow of good friends and good conversation, is where he belongs.

_GAHHHH! I'M SORRY THAT THIS IS HELLA LATE! I meant to start it weeks ago, but I got caught up in break up issues and school work and procrastination. Worry not, though, my little peppermints! The next chapter WILL be up before on on the 30th, for the one-year anniversary of this fanfiction. God, I've come so far! _

_ Inner Kiwi: Not really. You're still the mega shitty writer who is so insecure she made up an inner voice to critisize her._

_ BACK IN YOUR HOLE! Anyway, thank you guys! This is Kiwi, signing out!_

_ (PS- REVIEW, SI VOUS PLAIT.)_


	3. Chapter 3- Misleading First Impressions

Okay, so, this is being written on the DAY of the one year birthday of my least-favourite-yet-most-popular brain baby. I just want to thank everyone of you who have been with me from the very beginning, and those of you who have joined me along the way. Believe me, you guys are the ONLY reason I've made it this far. I love you all! So, to give my undying thanks to you guys, I decided to take the advice of one of my readers and write a bit about the origins of Matt and Ivan's relationship. these flashbacks will be written as dream sequences and interspersed through out the fic. FOREWARNING, these chapters WILL be RusCan, both abusive and non-abusive. I'm not a big fan, but a girl must do what she must for a fan. I was thinking of writing a seperate fanfiction as a prequel, but to be honest, I don't have a long enough attention span. Thank you to this reviewer, because you basically gave me a plot line for this fic. I've been panicking for the past two weeks because I have NO CLUE what to do with this fic. Also, this is un-betaed because I procrastinated really hard and I think my beta might be mad at me so... Sorry! Anyway, enjoy, my lovelies!

_"C'moooooooon, Mattie, pleeeeeeaaaase?" I promise you'll have fun!" Matthew rolled his eyes, not looking up from his copy of the latest House of Night book (which at this point, he was just hate-reading. Like, honestly Mama Cast and Baby Cast, you can stop at any point, now.). _

_ His brother had been whining at him for hours about going to some stupid party he had been invited to. Apparently, their parents had told him he could only go if Matthew accompanied him as well, spouting some garbage about wanting him to get out and meet new people as well. The Williams family had moved to their new home almost three months ago, right after the end of grade eight, and Matthew still hadn't made any new friends. His parents' had expressed their concern about this loudly and often. Matthew had argued that he was perfectly fine with hanging around with Alfred and occasionally holding conversations with his cousin Francis, but his mother and father simply wouldn't see reason. _

_ "Sweet Sir John A McDonald on a stick, Al, I already told you that I'm NOT going to this stupid party," Matthew repeated for what felt like the one hundredth time. Alfred seemed to change tactics, laying down beside his twin and resting his chin on his stomach, staring up at him beseechingly. Matthew reluctantly put his book away. _

_ "Mattie, please, if you love me at all, you'll come with me. It won't be any fun without you. And besides... I really want these people to like us this time, Matt. I can't handle another four years like the last three," He pleaded, his eyes wide and swimming with unshed tears as he bit at his lip. Matthew winced; he couldn't resist, not with the killer combination of The Alfie Eyes (patent pending) and the mention of middle school. _

_ Both Matthew and Alfred had had a hard time in middle school, Matthew because of his shyness , dependence on his twin, and tiny size, Alfred because of what everyone thought was stupidity but was really just a combination of dyslexia and ADHD, and both of them for their homosexuality. Matthew wasn't really sure how the kids at their last school had figured that one out seeing as how neither of them were particularly flamboyant, but that was beside the point. The point was that Matthew didn't want a repeat of middle school, either for himself or for his twin. _

_ "Fine, Alfie, I'll go to the stupid party with you. Happy?" Al's face immediately morphed into the picture of elation, all sadness melting away. His blue-eyed twin raced out of his room, calling for him to wear something that wouldn't embarrass the family over his shoulder, and Matthew had the distinct impression that he had just been manipulated. _

_ PAGE BREAK _

_ Matthew fidgeted in the corner he had been sitting in for the past hour and a half, wishing to be anywhere but the overly-loud alcohol scented living room of some high schooler who's parents didn't give two shits about the legal drinking age. As soon as they had shown up, Alfred had run off to meet up with his new friends, leaving his brother behind at the door. Matthew had hund around the front hall awkwardly for a little while, waiting to see if he'd come back, but after fifteen minutes he had given up and gone to the living room and claimed his current perch. _

_ Matthew couldn't help but feel a little bit offended at his brother's behaviour. He'd said he wanted things to be different this year, and then he'd abandoned poor socially awkward Matthew in a house full of strangers in various states of sobriety. Obviously, he'd the bastard had said 'us' he must have meant 'me'. If Matthew wasn't such a loyal person her would have called his parents and told them of his twin's betrayal. He could see the cause of his predicament across the room flirting with some brown-haired boy with Caribbean green eyes and flushed, embarrassed cheeks. Judging by the murderous look from the short boy with steely grey eyes and a black undercut a few feet away, he was taken, or at least was going to be before the end of the night. Matthew spared a brief thought for all the possesive sex the pair would probably have if they were the main characters of a clich__é smut fanfiction written by a virginal teen girl. _

_ Matthew's slightly NSFW musings were cut short by a very tall boy leaning against the wall beside him. Matthew tilted his head up to look at him, noticing this he seemed to be very muscular, and had silvery hair, bright purple eyes that were so much more intriguing and beautiful than Matthew's own dull violet, a large Slavic nose and a soft-looking peach Winter scarf that looked a bit odd with his tight, mucle hugging dark grey graphic tee,well-fitting dark blue jeans, and brown steel-toed work boots. Matthew couldn't help the burning blush that colored his skin as he registered just how beautiful this boy was. Matthew had always had a thing for silver-white hair and oddly colored eyes, ever since his Harry Potter days. _

_ "__Здравствуйте__, I do not mean to interupt you, I just thought you looked lonely and might want to talk to someone," The tall boy spoke up, his voice heavy with a Russian accent. Matthew had to surpress a shiver at how delicious it sounded. _

_ "I-It's fine, you aren't disrupting anything but a pity party," Matthew's voice was slightly bitter as he through a glare in the direction of his brother. The Russian must have picked up an his anger because he cast a curious look in that general direction. _

_ "Who are you looking so murderous, pretty one? Did someone do something to hurt you?" The Canadian's cheeks flamed at the term of endearment, and he quickly covered it with a hand over his face, using his other to wave away the boy's concern._

_ "It's nothing, just my asshole twin brother," He explained. Theother's eyes zeroed in on Alfred. _

_ "Ah, he's your brother? He's kind of obnoxious, huh?" Matthew frowned a little. It always made him a bit uncomfortable and protective when people outside of his immediate family bad-talked his brother. He supposed it was a side effect from listening to people put the rambunctious boy down on a daily basis. _

_ "He isn't obnoxious, he's just really enthusiastic about everything," Matthew defended. The tall boy put his hands up in a apologetic manner. _

_ "I'm sorry, I do not wish to offend you or your family," He apologised, and Matthew just smiled a little in forgiveness. _

_ "It's fine, I'm just a bit defensive of my twin. He's usually pretty great when he isn't dragging me to stupid parties."_

_ "I'm sorry you find my party so tedious, pretty one," Now it was Matthew's turn to look sorry. Matthew opened his mouth to stammer apologies, but the tall boy who just waved it off, extending a hand to him. "Don't worry, I'm just messing with you. I think my party is getting boring to. Do you want to go hang out in my backyard?"_

_ Matthew nodded, letting the boy lead him toward the back door, passing a douchey looking boy with white hair and red eyes flirting with a smitten looking girl. Matthew rolled his eyes. How could anyone be attracted to such an obvious cocky asshat? Honestly, Matthew would never give someone like that the time of day. _

_ Finally, the pair reached the backyard, which was surprisingly absent of people. Matthew's companion led him to the middle of the yard, and laid down on the grass, Matthew following him. Despite of how absolutely overdone the whole "Laying in the grass and watching the stars" thing was, Matthew couldn't help the frantic butterflies in his stomach at the romanticness of it all._

_ "What's your name?" The boy asked, turning his head to look at Matthew. _

_ "Matthew. And yours?"_

_ "Ivan." _

_ And so, Ivan and Matthew spent the rest of the night in mostly companionable silence, sometimes sharing what was going through there minds to make conversation. Before they were ready, the night had grown old and Alfred was calling Matthew's name out the patio door, telling him it was time to go, and the pair reluctantly parted. _

_ That night, Matthew went to bed with new love dancing sweetly on his lips, pulling them into a sleepy smile. If he only knew that one day, he would think back on that time with nothing but the bitter taste of blood and regret in his mouth. _

SOOOOOO, What do you guys think? I wonder, do any of you ever notice the different characters from other fandoms that I've slipped into this fic as background characters throughout the series? So far I've done Harry Potter, Shameless (which you should watch if you haven't), Avengers and Attack on Titan, that I can remember. Also, just lettin' y'all know, Updates might gett even dicier than before, because I've got a bunch of presentations for the Gay/Straight Alliance next week, exams coming up the week after next, and then I'm going to French Camp for a month at the end of June. I'm so excited! I never wanted to go into French Immersion, so this is my chance to become more fluent in French, which would be awesome! I wouldn't have to rely on Google Translate for that language so much anymore! Plus, Hell, an entire month away from home with one of my good friends? SIGN ME UP!

Anyway, Like it? Love it? Never wanna see a prequel dream-chapter again? Lemme know!

(PS- Any of you notice the suspicious lack of Inner Kiwi in this chapter? I think she's planning something...)


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